Archive for the 'Funny Random Stuff' Category

I’m starting a sexual revolution

In the news recently:

“Betel-nut condom wins taste tests
NEW DELHI, India (Reuters) — An Indian firm has launched a paan-flavored condom designed to evoke the pungent taste of the betel nut and tobacco concoction chewed and then spat out by millions of South Asians, newspapers have reported.

Hindustan Latex is targeting the new condom range at prostitutes, who are among the most vulnerable to sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS, the Hindustan Times reported Tuesday.

The company ran taste tests with sex workers, including prototypes with chocolate, banana and strawberry flavors, but the paan flavor came out tops.

“The community loved it as most of the sex workers chew paan,” Sanjeev Gaikwad was quoted as saying at the launch in Mumbai. Gaikwad is a director at Family Health International, a public health organisations that helped develop the condom.

Paan is a mildly intoxicating preparation wrapped in a leaf, usually
containing tobacco, betel nut and flavorings, and is hugely popular across South Asia. It is chewed to a mouth-staining red pulp before being spat out.

The condoms will at first be made available only to prostitutes, but will we launched to the general public in a few months, the newspaper said.”

I’ve looked and can’t find the original article, but either way, this is the funniest story I’ve read from the region over the whole year. It’s certainly a very different approach to HIV development programmes, the polar opposite to all these pro-abstinance campaigns which are absolutely useless.

However, given how vigourously people chew paan over here, it might be great for the prostitutes but I’m not sure I’d be keen on covering my penis with something that makes people want to bite down. It’s the equivalent of smearing yourself in barbeque sauce and then waving your cock above a bear pit.

But if this really does take off, then how long before it becomes a commercial success in other countries? Not paan-flavoured, obviously, but if you could produce condoms to suit the local palate then you could be on to an instant money-maker. And now my lack of success every time I visit Poland can be simply put down to my lack of Durex smelling of boiled cabbage.

Thinking back to my teenage years in London, where nights on the pull were mainly spent standing in the back of pubs on my own, I’m not sure the boiled cabbage offer would have worked in the first place. Tragically, fashion-wise I was just too ahead of the times and it still annoys me that my unique look has since been copied and made popular by Harry Potter. But for all those misunderstood young men out there desperate for action, help could be hand. What do all young girls across the world love to suck when they go out, constantly, sometimes ten or more times a night? Exactly. Marlboro-Light flavoured condoms.

Someone please put me in touch with Phillip Morris. I think I might have just made the world a better place.


Bangladeshi Bumper Stickers

I had the idle thought as I was weaving through no-mans land (cycling along the road) this afternoon that if there were bumper stickers on Bangladeshi cars/CNGs/rickshaws, what would they say?
You don’t get them over here.

The first five that sprang to mind were:

‘Braking is for Infidels’.
‘My other car’s a cow, but I slaughtered it’
‘No wing-mirrors = more aerodynamic’
‘Let me through, I’ve got the horn for you’
‘Driving straight is straight to hell’

Anymore? Please comment below, maybe there’s a business venture to be made…

Christmas every month

Thanks to the Bangladesh postal service. I came back from Cambodia the other day to find some presents waiting for me, only a month late. Over Christmas itself I was annoyed things didn’t come, but thinking about it, every time I come back to Dhaka I might have something waiting for me. The bribe to get the parcel wasn’t even that much! Excellent.

This great story from The Sun shows how post should be done though. Amidst a million morons, sometimes you’ll find one person with a bit of common sense.

Girl soldier grabs Wills’ sword

I used to go to college with this girl, and I can confirm that William’s got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. She was wellard. Really nice though.

However, she was also probably the last person I would expect to see smiling out at me from the Sun. Nice one Ang!


The Communist Manifesto – cartoon

I don’t know what Karl would have thought of this, but it certainly would have helped me when I had to bloody read it.

Someone’s reinterpreted the Manifesto with the help of Disney, check it out here.

Personally, I’m now looking forward to the Tellytubbies critical re-evaluation of Hobbes’ intellectual legacy.

Russian TV Show bust-up

This makes me laugh. And also wish that Richard and Judy wasn’t so dull. Link